Foible #1: Do-It-Yourself Fireworks

Old Man Jenkins bequeathed a strange thing to our town. He didn’t like people but he did like certain things, so in his will he left enough money to the town to buy fireworks each year. But there was one catch. If the town didn’t use the fireworks by midnight on July 4th, then the town would lose Jenkins’ money and without it would not be able to afford to buy fireworks on its own.

Our town always had their fireworks on July 4th itself. This year the weather was gorgeous on the 1st, the 2nd, and the 3rd, but the mayor wanted to stay with tradition and shoot them off on the 4th. On the evening of the 4th, all the people gathered in the fairgrounds including our local radio station. Our town was the only one I know that broadcast their fireworks over the radio. Mostly the broadcast consisted of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ with an occasional ‘that’s a big one,’ but the senior citizens seemed to like it so they continued the tradition. This year the radio meteorologist had some bad news and confirmed that a large thunderstorm would reach us just about dusk.

Sure enough, the big drops started just as darkness was falling and the fairgrounds cleared out of the gate; but not before the mayor got the idea to give every departing family one of the fireworks. The fire chief was not pleased with this and neither was the police chief, but the lawyer on the town council said it was the only way. If the fireworks were given out before midnight then this would satisfy Old Man Jenkins’ will of ‘using’ the fireworks and the town could continue using Jenkins’ money to buy fireworks the next year. So, each family carried a good size rocket to their car and no one set them off that night because of the weather.

First thing the next morning the radio started broadcasting a plan that had come to the mayor in a dream. At 9:30 that night all the families whose last names began with the letter ‘A’ would fire off their fireworks. Then, at 9:31 all the families whose last names began with ‘B’ would fire off their fireworks, and so on. So, there would be a 26 minute fireworks show with rockets firing off all around the county.

Children came out in their yards and spun around to catch sight of the random barrage of fireworks that happened in minute intervals. From our yard one explosion would be near and to the west and a second later the next one would be far and to the east. Kids were spinning around so quickly to catch sight of them all that there were many reports of kids throwing up from dizziness. These were the only reports of injuries that night. People loved the random zaniness so much that this ‘Do-It-Yourself’ Fireworks became the new tradition in our town.